How to Decline a Birthday dinner invitation?

[vernacular_life]

I'm in a bit of a quandry......a couple who were very close friends (we've been drifting a bit lately) of my husband and I want the 4 of us to go out to dinner to celebrate her 30th birthday.....this is pretty normal for us, and most of the places we do this are about $40-50 a person, sometimes a bit more if we get more than 1 bottle of wine. They ALWAYS ALWAYS skimp on the tip, split the bill if they've ordered more than us, but itemize the bill if they ordered less than we did. But whatever, we like them, so usually let this slide.

This year, they've suggested we go to THE priceyist resteraunt in town & partake in the Chef's Tasting Menu, which is listed on line as being $200 PER PERSON. My husband and I are DESPERATLY trying to save money, and don't mind the $100/couple dinner, but $400 for someone else's birthday is rubbing me a bit wrong. Even if we don't get the tasting menu, I fear we'll be stuck with half the bill.

Any way to back out of this dinner without totally alienating an already rocky friendship??? I'd feel funny about suggesting a different resteraunt, as it is her birthday.

x-posted to etiquetteworld and tohip_domestics.

Comments

[djoyusone.livejournal.com]

Hm, tough one - couldn't you be honest with the fact that you're trying to save and that $400 would set you back a little with that plan? I would think that they'd understand since they're close friends. I know we don't expect all of our friends to do our frou frou dinners with us for the same reason.

[vernacular-life.livejournal.com]

i'm gonna try that, but what's so weird is that we're the ones usually who do the more pricey dinners. I dunno if this is some kind of passive/aggressiveness on their part. (the friendship between these two has gotten a bit weird).


funny thing about the resteraunt is that they're acting like its new and everyone's talking about it....in reality, its been open since 1999 and they only just heard about it because it was profiled in Wine Spectator, and his brother reads it. The brother called the couple & asked if they'd eaten there, thus, "everyone's talking about it" (roll eyes)

[spa-girl.livejournal.com]

I think honesty is the best policy here - even though it feels embarrasing, you should just say to her "I'm sorry, DH and I are trying very hard to save some money and we can't afford that restaurant right now. We still want to celebrate with you, but can we go some where more reasonable or can we have you over?" People can usually understand if you are trying to save - I mean who hasn't been there? And honestly, if they can't respect that, are they friends you truly need? Good luck - I had situations like that.

[vernacular-life.livejournal.com]

I hope they'll take it well -- i honestly think its her attempt to get us together for a big blowout before we (independently, and more importantly, never discussed with each other!) get preganant/plan families, etc. Not a bad idea, but just poorly times for our bank accounts!

I think we'll end up going to dinner either bring enough cash to cover just our part or ask for seperate checks. We usually get burned if we split the bill w/ 2 cc's, and Judd feels guilty when they put down 12% tip when there's been outstanding service.

[mightyterp.livejournal.com]

Gotta bail on the dinner. At this stage in your life you have far more important things in life than $400 meals ... like HDTVs and teapots! (jk, still jealous of the TV)

"They ALWAYS ALWAYS skimp on the tip, split the bill if they've ordered more than us, but itemize the bill if they ordered less than we did."

That is soo slimy it is not even funny. Separate checks is the only way to go out with these two. Most people who pull crap like that don't even realize they are doing it, and would be completely offended if someone suggested that they were cheap misers.

[vernacular-life.livejournal.com]

well, we'll test this idea for seperate checks tonight............


and i've had some great meals, but don't know if they can meet the optical pleasure of football on hdtv